Well, the clear consensus seems to be that we should not TTC this cycle and instead complete all of the recurrent pregnancy loss testing. I kinda already knew that was the right thing to do, but my impatient side needed a shove in the right direction. Thanks to everyone who responded.
The funny thing is, it might all be a moot point anyway. My cycles are 2-4 months long and I'm only on CD 15 right now, so the chances of me dropping an egg before the hysteroscopy are slim.
I just can't believe how long it's been since we started TTC in summer of 2010. I was so sure we would be parents by now. It seems like everyone I've been following has already moved past us in this race (I know it's not a race, but it feels like it sometimes). Bah... 2012 - you better not screw me over too.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Friday, December 23, 2011
Welcome, ICLW'ers (and please help me decide what to do)
Hello old friends and new ones,
[Please read on to see how you can be part of my major life decisions]
This is only the second time I have done ICLW, and although it is definitely time consuming, I think I should do it more often. First of all, it gets me to expand my reading horizons a bit and I've stumbled across some new and interesting blogs that I otherwise would not have seen. Secondly, it gets more people to read this blog, which makes me feel less ronery (shout-out to Kim Jong Il).
Where am I going with this? Ok, the fact that lots of people are stopping by this week is perfect timing for you all to participate in an important decision I have been pondering over the last week.
With my 3rd miscarriage I finally qualified for "recurrent pregnancy loss" testing. I have done all of the tests, and they have all come back normal, except I still have two missing pieces of information:
1. the results of genetic karyotyping from miscarriage #3; and
2. a hysteroscopy scheduled for January which would rule out any physical uterine abnormalities.
So, at this point, I believe that I don't have any auto-immune or blood clotting issues (woot!), and that I probably don't have PCOS/hormonal problems. The only possible issues out there are genetic or physical, and I really don't have any reason to suspect the physical ones. I would actually put my money on the miscarriages being the result of genetic issues. It's what makes the most sense given how early on they were.
So the question is: DO WE TTC THIS CYCLE?
If we do, we might get knocked up again and not be able to do the hysteroscopy in January, and I might have another miscarriage and put everything back another 6 months. If we don't TTC, we can do the hysteroscopy and maybe get some clomid to increase the quality of my eggs. Oh, but I reeeeeeally hate waiting!
Thoughts?
[Please read on to see how you can be part of my major life decisions]
This is only the second time I have done ICLW, and although it is definitely time consuming, I think I should do it more often. First of all, it gets me to expand my reading horizons a bit and I've stumbled across some new and interesting blogs that I otherwise would not have seen. Secondly, it gets more people to read this blog, which makes me feel less ronery (shout-out to Kim Jong Il).
Where am I going with this? Ok, the fact that lots of people are stopping by this week is perfect timing for you all to participate in an important decision I have been pondering over the last week.
With my 3rd miscarriage I finally qualified for "recurrent pregnancy loss" testing. I have done all of the tests, and they have all come back normal, except I still have two missing pieces of information:
1. the results of genetic karyotyping from miscarriage #3; and
2. a hysteroscopy scheduled for January which would rule out any physical uterine abnormalities.
So, at this point, I believe that I don't have any auto-immune or blood clotting issues (woot!), and that I probably don't have PCOS/hormonal problems. The only possible issues out there are genetic or physical, and I really don't have any reason to suspect the physical ones. I would actually put my money on the miscarriages being the result of genetic issues. It's what makes the most sense given how early on they were.
So the question is: DO WE TTC THIS CYCLE?
If we do, we might get knocked up again and not be able to do the hysteroscopy in January, and I might have another miscarriage and put everything back another 6 months. If we don't TTC, we can do the hysteroscopy and maybe get some clomid to increase the quality of my eggs. Oh, but I reeeeeeally hate waiting!
Thoughts?
Monday, December 12, 2011
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the first day of Christmas, my body gave to me
A traumatizing D&C
On the second day of Christmas, my body gave to me
Two years of trying, and a traumatizing D&C
On the third day of Christmas, my body gave to me
Three miscarriages, two years of trying, and a traumatizing D&C
On the fourth day of Christmas, my body gave to me
Four cycles a year, three miscarriages, two years of trying, and a traumatizing D&C
On the fifth day of Christmas, my body gave to me
Five sleepless nights, four cycles a year, three miscarriages, two years of trying, and a traumatizing D&C
On the sixth day of Christmas, my body gave to me
Six mental breakdowns, five sleepless nights, four cycles a year, three miscarriages, two years of trying, and a traumatizing D&C
On the seventh day of Christmas, my body gave to me
Seven hours in hospital, six mental breakdowns, five sleepless nights, four cycles a year, three miscarriages, two years of trying, and a traumatizing D&C
On the eigth day of Christmas, my body gave to me
Eight vaginal ultrasounds, seven hours in hospital, six mental breakdowns, five sleepless nights, four cycles a year, three miscarriages, two years of trying, and a traumatizing D&C
On the ninth day of Christmas, my body gave to me
Nine months of emptiness, eight vaginal ultrasounds, seven hours in hospital, six mental breakdowns, five sleepless nights, four cycles a year, three miscarriages, two years of trying, and a traumatizing D&C
On the tenth day of Christmas, my body gave to me
Ten pounds of belly fat, nine months of emptiness, eight vaginal ultrasounds, seven hours in hospital, six mental breakdowns, five sleepless nights, four cycles a year, three miscarriages, two years of trying, and a traumatizing D&C
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my body gave to me
Eleven fits of rage, ten pounds of belly fat, nine months of emptiness, eight vaginal ultrasounds, seven hours in hospital, six mental breakdowns, five sleepless nights, four cycles a year, three miscarriages, two years of trying, and a traumatizing D&C
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my body gave to me
Twelve blood draws, eleven fits of rage, ten pounds of belly fat, nine months of emptiness, eight vaginal ultrasounds, seven hours in hospital, six mental breakdowns, five sleepless nights, four cycles a year, three miscarriages, two years of trying, and a traumatizing D&C
A traumatizing D&C
On the second day of Christmas, my body gave to me
Two years of trying, and a traumatizing D&C
On the third day of Christmas, my body gave to me
Three miscarriages, two years of trying, and a traumatizing D&C
On the fourth day of Christmas, my body gave to me
Four cycles a year, three miscarriages, two years of trying, and a traumatizing D&C
On the fifth day of Christmas, my body gave to me
Five sleepless nights, four cycles a year, three miscarriages, two years of trying, and a traumatizing D&C
On the sixth day of Christmas, my body gave to me
Six mental breakdowns, five sleepless nights, four cycles a year, three miscarriages, two years of trying, and a traumatizing D&C
On the seventh day of Christmas, my body gave to me
Seven hours in hospital, six mental breakdowns, five sleepless nights, four cycles a year, three miscarriages, two years of trying, and a traumatizing D&C
On the eigth day of Christmas, my body gave to me
Eight vaginal ultrasounds, seven hours in hospital, six mental breakdowns, five sleepless nights, four cycles a year, three miscarriages, two years of trying, and a traumatizing D&C
On the ninth day of Christmas, my body gave to me
Nine months of emptiness, eight vaginal ultrasounds, seven hours in hospital, six mental breakdowns, five sleepless nights, four cycles a year, three miscarriages, two years of trying, and a traumatizing D&C
On the tenth day of Christmas, my body gave to me
Ten pounds of belly fat, nine months of emptiness, eight vaginal ultrasounds, seven hours in hospital, six mental breakdowns, five sleepless nights, four cycles a year, three miscarriages, two years of trying, and a traumatizing D&C
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my body gave to me
Eleven fits of rage, ten pounds of belly fat, nine months of emptiness, eight vaginal ultrasounds, seven hours in hospital, six mental breakdowns, five sleepless nights, four cycles a year, three miscarriages, two years of trying, and a traumatizing D&C
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my body gave to me
Twelve blood draws, eleven fits of rage, ten pounds of belly fat, nine months of emptiness, eight vaginal ultrasounds, seven hours in hospital, six mental breakdowns, five sleepless nights, four cycles a year, three miscarriages, two years of trying, and a traumatizing D&C
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Well that was anti-climactic
I had an inkling this would happen. I went to the doctor today expecting to discuss the karyotype test results from the last miscarriage. That was the purpose of this appointment. They didn't have the results.
I don't know what is wrong with people. Maybe I should have called ahead to confirm.
Whatever.
So I got to see the doctor anyway - on time even!! She is sending us for the pregnancy loss work-up regardless of those pending results. So I have some blood to give on day 3 and a hysteroscopy to attend. The hubbs will give blood too, so we can test for any genetic incompatibilities. He's pretty disappointed there won't be a semen anlysis, but I told him he can jerk off in the blood lab anyway, if he really wants to.
So it's not a total loss. We get to do these tests in the meantime, which I really want to do in order to rule out any possible issues, as unlikely as they may be... unlikely things tend to happen to me, it seems.
She confirmed the next steps will likely involve Clomid and progesterone. I also had a chat with her about the thyroid issue. She confirmed it could actually be what caused the miscarriages, and that studies have shown even sub-clinical hypothyroidism is related to pregnancy loss. Grrrrreat.
So those are the facts, ma'am. What to make of them? Obviously, I am as impatient as ever. These tests will take at least another month. Who knows when my next cycle will start after that. Bah.
But I see the many positives here. We are covering all the bases. There will be treatment involving marvelous modern medicine. We have time to see if the synthroid will possibly make my cycles more normal on their own. I can drink and be merry as much as I want this holiday season. I can ski this winter. Would I trade all of that for a baby? Yes.
I don't know what is wrong with people. Maybe I should have called ahead to confirm.
Whatever.
So I got to see the doctor anyway - on time even!! She is sending us for the pregnancy loss work-up regardless of those pending results. So I have some blood to give on day 3 and a hysteroscopy to attend. The hubbs will give blood too, so we can test for any genetic incompatibilities. He's pretty disappointed there won't be a semen anlysis, but I told him he can jerk off in the blood lab anyway, if he really wants to.
So it's not a total loss. We get to do these tests in the meantime, which I really want to do in order to rule out any possible issues, as unlikely as they may be... unlikely things tend to happen to me, it seems.
She confirmed the next steps will likely involve Clomid and progesterone. I also had a chat with her about the thyroid issue. She confirmed it could actually be what caused the miscarriages, and that studies have shown even sub-clinical hypothyroidism is related to pregnancy loss. Grrrrreat.
So those are the facts, ma'am. What to make of them? Obviously, I am as impatient as ever. These tests will take at least another month. Who knows when my next cycle will start after that. Bah.
But I see the many positives here. We are covering all the bases. There will be treatment involving marvelous modern medicine. We have time to see if the synthroid will possibly make my cycles more normal on their own. I can drink and be merry as much as I want this holiday season. I can ski this winter. Would I trade all of that for a baby? Yes.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Note to self
This blog is *almost* 100% for me. I would be lying if I said when I write on here, I don't keep in mind what potential readers might think/like/dislike. Still, I have a pretty good policy on only writing when I feel like it, and I don't worry too much about posting to keep people constantly entertained.
So I haven't posted in like... I don't know... a LONG TIME. And I honestly feel no guilt about it. Even at this moment, I don't really feel like it... but I know in my mind that I should write down my thoughts today so that I can have a record of them tomorrow. Why tomorrow? Tomorrow is results day. I will be meeting with the OB to discuss the results of genetic testing from the last (third) miscarriage.
I think I should write down my thoughts about it now, while I am unencumbered by various facts and emotions that may skew my perspective and make me think more negatively about it.
There are really two possible outcomes tomorrow.
Possible Outcome #1: the test reveals a genetic abnormality. This will mean that there is no evidence that I am unable to support a pregnancy - just that there was a genetic mistake. Since I've had three miscarriages, there might be an egg quality issue or a compatibility issue between me and hubbs. I suspect that there is an egg quality issue because all three babies were conceived very late in my cycle (around CD50) which can result in deteriorated eggs. They may do additional tests, but the prescription will probably be Clomid to speed up ovulation and possibly progesterone just in case.
Possible Outcome #2: the test reveals no genetic abnormality. This means that there might be something wrong with my ability to support a pregnancy. Since all of my miscarriages have been early on, this may suggest progesterone deficiency. If my previously undetected hypothyroidism was the problem, then I am already taking synthroid for that. They may do other tests, but the prescription will probably be Clomid and progesterone.
Soooooo... I don't know for sure if that's how things will play out, but it seems like the eventual plan will be the same. No reason to panic. Just take it one step at a time.
So I haven't posted in like... I don't know... a LONG TIME. And I honestly feel no guilt about it. Even at this moment, I don't really feel like it... but I know in my mind that I should write down my thoughts today so that I can have a record of them tomorrow. Why tomorrow? Tomorrow is results day. I will be meeting with the OB to discuss the results of genetic testing from the last (third) miscarriage.
I think I should write down my thoughts about it now, while I am unencumbered by various facts and emotions that may skew my perspective and make me think more negatively about it.
There are really two possible outcomes tomorrow.
Possible Outcome #1: the test reveals a genetic abnormality. This will mean that there is no evidence that I am unable to support a pregnancy - just that there was a genetic mistake. Since I've had three miscarriages, there might be an egg quality issue or a compatibility issue between me and hubbs. I suspect that there is an egg quality issue because all three babies were conceived very late in my cycle (around CD50) which can result in deteriorated eggs. They may do additional tests, but the prescription will probably be Clomid to speed up ovulation and possibly progesterone just in case.
Possible Outcome #2: the test reveals no genetic abnormality. This means that there might be something wrong with my ability to support a pregnancy. Since all of my miscarriages have been early on, this may suggest progesterone deficiency. If my previously undetected hypothyroidism was the problem, then I am already taking synthroid for that. They may do other tests, but the prescription will probably be Clomid and progesterone.
Soooooo... I don't know for sure if that's how things will play out, but it seems like the eventual plan will be the same. No reason to panic. Just take it one step at a time.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Time
They say time flies when you're having fun, but I am learning that time also flies when you're not (obsessively)vTTC.
I thought it would be painstaking to sit around and wait for a new cycle, the karyotyping test results, doctor's appointments, etc. before we could start trying again. I can't say it has been a piece of cake, but it hasn't been that bad either. I think it has to do with the fact that I'm not tracking twenty things every day. I am not temping the moment I wake up. I am not checking CM every few hours. I am not peeing on OPK's twice a day for weeks on end (which is what you have to do when you have 60-90 day cycles). I am not wishing it was tomorrow already so I could try all those things again in the hopes of seeing the temp rise, or positive OPK, or eggwhite CM, or the BPF.
So here I am, 16 days after the D&C, and it honestly feels a little bit like "woah, where did the time go?".
I thought it would be painstaking to sit around and wait for a new cycle, the karyotyping test results, doctor's appointments, etc. before we could start trying again. I can't say it has been a piece of cake, but it hasn't been that bad either. I think it has to do with the fact that I'm not tracking twenty things every day. I am not temping the moment I wake up. I am not checking CM every few hours. I am not peeing on OPK's twice a day for weeks on end (which is what you have to do when you have 60-90 day cycles). I am not wishing it was tomorrow already so I could try all those things again in the hopes of seeing the temp rise, or positive OPK, or eggwhite CM, or the BPF.
So here I am, 16 days after the D&C, and it honestly feels a little bit like "woah, where did the time go?".
Thursday, October 20, 2011
This is my life
Senior Partner: Can you come to the Disney on Ice thing and chaperone little kids of our clients?
Me: I'm not good with small humans.
Senior Partner: You're not helpful. But I guess it's good news for us that you're not interested in having children.
Me: I'm not good with small humans.
Senior Partner: You're not helpful. But I guess it's good news for us that you're not interested in having children.
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