First Mom's Day, Nothing to Say

I've been trying to formulate my thoughts on this first mom's day with a real live child. I think I need to process it a bit longer. In the meantime, I found a poem that I had saved on my computer a few years ago that I reflected on today. I'm not sure I can say I'm a better mother than anyone else, but I do think that I appreciate the job maybe a bit more than someone who got it with little effort.

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss

and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. 



I will be better not because of genetics, or money, or that I have read more books

but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. 

I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every
day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I
can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop
another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with
which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be
careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better
daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. 



I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body.  I have been tried by fire
and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. 



I have prevailed. 

I have succeeded.

I have won. 



So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself
discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.  And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the
immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they
learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion
that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.



Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

Author Unknown

How We Got Into Infant Potty Training

A few weeks ago I was at my parents' house going through some old photos. I came across an album where I'm between 12-15 months old. In the pictures, I'm playing in our living room in just my underwear (I'm guessing it was hot out? .. or I just liked to party in my undies). Anyway, I asked my dad if it wasn't risky to let me play around the house with no diaper on. He didn't really understand what I was asking because apparently 1. there were no diapers back then where we lived, and 2. consequently, I was fully potty trained by the time I could walk.

I did not believe him.

Mom came home and I made the same inquiries. She explained the same things. Then she showed me more pictures of my brother at a similar age, also sans diapers. At that point I thought to myself - if my dolt of a brother could do it, surely my genius baby can. Anyway, what do we have to lose by trying?

I bought a little potty like this one the very next day.

[This one was close to $40 plus tax, which was a huge fail, because a few days later I saw the same thing at Ikea for $6... lesson learned. Always check Ikea.]

We started our infant potty training at 5 1/2 months. I am not upset that I didn't get into it sooner because by this time our baby could sit by herself with some back support (see how the potty provides back support). She was also eating some solids, so her poops were of a more solid consistency and only happened once or twice a day. Finally, by 5 1/2 months we were in the groove of using cloth diapers all day, and this is important in helping baby understand that they've peed or pooed themselves. I think this was a great time to start.

Obviously I researched a bit on the interwebs about infant potty training and something called "Elimination Communication". You can google that if you're curious, but let me be clear that what we are doing is NOT elimination communication. If that works for you then great, but to me the thought of holding a newborn over a bowl 20 times a day is just too much. Also, I still don't know when she's about to pee even though I've been watching for it for two weeks.

After all the research on how people do this in North America, I decided to use the method that my mom utilized back in Europe with me and my brother. Basically, it involves teaching the baby to associate relieving themselves with the potty and a keyword like "peepee" or "poopoo". So it's not really so dependent on watching your baby's cues (except when they're clearly about to poop, which is easy to spot), but more about giving them a number of opportunities throughout the day to go potty, and training them to wait for those opportunities. In a few months, the baby will even be able to say a word or two to indicate that they need to go on the potty.

What shocked me the most was how quickly my baby caught on to this association. It was accomplished on the very first day of practicing on the potty.

I wasn't sure how to get started, so I just let her be naked on a towel for a while. As soon as I saw her start to pee a little bit, I quickly put her on the potty and repeated "peepee" a few times. When she was finished, I clapped excitedly and congratulated her on a good pee. We put the (dry!) diaper back on and kept rollin' with the rest of our day.

A few hours later, I could see her start to grimace and grunt, and I thought a poo might be coming, so onto the potty we went, and she delivered as promised. I repeated "poopoo" as she was doing it, and again gave her a huge applause and congratulations. I cannot describe the joy I felt watching that turd come out, knowing that I would not have to do anything with it other than flush it down the toilet. Poos are easier to catch because there's a lot of grunting and other such foreplay. I also think that poos are easier for babies to hold in until they get to a potty. Since we started two weeks ago, I have caught every single poo (9 in total), whereas pees are still about 50% in the diaper. And yes, my child wears a diaper any time she is not on the potty or on a very absorbent towel in my house =)

Just to prove I'm not making this up

So far it is going very well. As I said, I haven't washed a poopy diaper since we started. Pee is still ending up in diapers, but I can tell that when I put her on the potty she does use her muscles to try to pee and often succeeds. We now try the potty after she wakes up in the morning or after a nap, and after every meal. And of course, any time I hear that poo grunting begin.

I am very glad that we tried this out and I'm honestly surprised at how well it works. I do not think that diapers are evil or that it's reasonable to expect an infant to control their bodily functions in the same way that adults do. BUT, I do think that there can be a happy medium between starting elimination communication at birth and potty training a 3 year old. I also believe that diaper companies have perpetuated a belief that it is damaging to potty train your kids before they themselves choose to do it. In fact, I think that potty training in infancy is, in a way, less traumatic because the infant does not really think so much about it, they just... do it. And once they've done it once or twice, the association is there forever. There might be some regressions, as with sleep or anything else, but the knowledge and skills are there.



Babylegs keep her warm, and make going on the potty easy when hanging out at home.

Pacifiers

Pacifiers, soothers, binkies, dummies... whatever you call them, I hate them. Why did they suck me in? Pun intended.

I was planning on my next post being about infant potty training, but I am still working on it and I just have to interject with this rant. I HATE THE PACI.

You know who loves the paci? My child. We waited 2 months before letting her try one because we wanted breastfeeding to be established, and when we finally gave it to her it was like heaven. Just plunk that thing into her mouth and she's a veritable Maggie Simpson. She loves it so much that she won't go to sleep without it, and then she rolls over in her sleep and it falls out and she screams bloody murder until I trudge to her room and stick it back in. Repeat ten times each night.

Enough is enough. We are quitting the paci cold-turkey. I am on day 3 and it has been a challenge but I think we might be turning a corner. I have to offer other kinds of soothing in order to replace the paci because she doesn't seem to want to soothe herself and everyone tells me you can't really let her cry it out till after 6 months (though I'm not sure I want to let her cry anything out ever).

So I'm basically walking around the apartment for hours with 17 pounds of baby trying to make her go to sleep. Meanwhile, she's sucking on anything that gets within an inch of her face - my shirt, my arm, my neck, my ear, whatever. But when she does finally go to sleep, it's much more solid. I now only get up once per night to feed. No more running laps between our respective beds all night.

So the fight continues. I will defeat the paci!

Do you have any good paci weaning stories or tips?

To cloth or not to cloth?

One of the many types of advice we got when I was pregnant was in the category of "you're going to fail at ______". It was usually some mom or dad who had attempted something they believed would be best for their child, but then for some reason or other realized that it was too difficult/time consuming/expensive or maybe didn't work for their child after all. They would tell me not to "feel bad" when I failed at this thing, because it's not really worth it anyway. This advice usually came up unsolicited in regards to breastfeeding and natural child birth, but also when I mentioned that we were considering cloth diapering.

I'm not sure why people can't just say "we tried that and it didn't work for us, but it might for you". I guess it's easier to justify your own choice by saying that there really is no other choice, but I digress...

Anyway, because we had heard so many negative stories about cloth diapers ("CD"), we were extremely sceptical about the whole thing. I was especially apprehensive because every single lawyer I knew at work who had tried it said it was impossible. [I later realized that I was talking only to men, who were not the ones on mat leave and were way too busy to help their wives with laundry EVER. Fortunately for me, my hubbs is a domestic wonder, which makes a huge difference =)]

Sporting the new "Irwin" print by BumGenius

We did A LOT of research. I probably spent 30 hours researching online and talking to the few people I knew in real life who CD'd. We also went to a workshop put on by a local CD retailer where they explained the different kinds of diapers and all the "accoutrement" you needed to have. We decided we would give it a shot on a trial basis and see how it went and be completely open-minded about both CD's and disposables, and this is how it went down:

When the kitten was born, we used disposable newborn sized diapers for the following reasons:

1. We had never changed diapers before, so we wanted to keep it simple until we got the hang of it.

2. We didn't want to buy the newborn sized CDs that would only last a few weeks. Our daughter doubled her weight really fast, so they would not have lasted long.

3. Newborns poo about a hundred times a day, so we would need a huge stash of CDs to keep up.

When the kitten was about 2 months old, she was big enough for the regular infant CDs. We got one of each kind to try out: an old skool pre-fold with cover, a fitted diaper with cover, and a pocket diaper "all in one". Here is a good summary of the different types of CD's.

When baby was still rather small, the pre-folds were the best because I could fit them perfectly to her shape and they caught all the poop (no blow-outs). However, as she got bigger, the cotton fibers of the pre-folds and the fitteds could not hold all of her pee and she would always be really soaked and uncomfortable. Over time, the pocket diapers became our favourites. We only tried the BumGenius 4.0 pocket diapers (which are made with a moisture wicking pocket and micro-fiber insert) and love them so much that we now have a stash of 20! I have thought about buying cheaper knock-offs but everyone I know who uses pocket diapers loves the BumGenius ones the best (including one of my fave bloggers, Jessica at the Southern Belle Boy Mom, so why mess with a good thing?

BumGenius 4.0

So now we use the pocket CDs every day, all day. We still use disposable diapers at night because they absorb all the nighttime pee... as much as I value CDs, I value my sleep more =) Also, baby doesn't poo at night anymore, so the blow-out risk is very low. But let me tell you, whenever she did have a (breast milk) poo in a disposable, it meant an entire costume change.

In addition to the diapers themselves, we also got some cloth wipes (might as well use those if you're doing diaper laundry), special hydrogen peroxide laundry detergent, a rubbermaid sealable bin to act as a diaper pail, two washable diaper pail liners, and a wet-bag for storing clean and soiled diapers when we're out. Here are some pics of these lovely accessories:



Magical CD-safe detergent

Diaper Pail

Wet Bag









We love our CDs not only because they prevent blow-outs but also because:

1. We never have to worry about running out of diapers
2. We like keeping piles of garbage out of landfills
3. It will save us money in the long run, especially if we are fortunate to have more children in the future.
4. They come in really pretty colours and prints =)

AND

5. It is an important element of INFANT POTTY TRAINING, which will be the subject of my next blog post.

How much work is cloth diapering? I think it depends on what tools and support you have. In my case, I have an in-suite washer/dryer in my apartment and the cost of water is covered by our condo fees (we only pay for electricity). I have a super involved and supportive spouse who loves the idea as much as I do. I have a mother and mother-in-law who come by almost every day to help with chores around the house. As you can see, this environment is conducive to cloth diapering success, and that's why it works for US. I'm not saying that it is for everyone! What I'm saying is that I'm glad I didn't let all the negative people prevent me from trying something for myself.

As I mentioned, stay tuned for our tales of infant potty training (gasp!), and leave me a comment if you have any questions about the whole cloth diaper thing. By this point, I have researched and tried so many things, I could probably help you out if you have any quandaries.

My little genius wearing the "Albert" print. SO CUTE

And we're back

It has been a while since I've logged into my blogger account. I felt the urge to check things out yesterday and when I clicked on my stats, I saw that this blog has just passed its 10,000th hit. That's pretty cool!

Although it's great to see so many people visit this page, I still feel that this is a place for me to write what I want, when I want to. And all of a sudden, I feel like I have a lot to write about, and finally some time and energy to do so.

I recognize that I have "readers", whether regular or occasional, so I want to let my dear readers know that my blog will be somewhat different going forward.

Things have changed since I started here three years ago. I have gone from desperate child-less infertile to a mother of an awesome baby girl. Though my fertility problems were never diagnosed and cured (i.e. we still don't know whether I will be able to have any more children), my attitude towards life has somewhat improved. Also, the things that occupy my day have changed, at least temporarily. Lately I've gone from checking pee sticks to checking for pee on my clothes; from observing cervical mucus to wiping snot; from miscarrying a baby to carrying a really heavy baby; from... you get the picture.

So yes, this is going to be a "mommy blog" of sorts, but I promise to be as sarcastic and cynical as ever. I also promise that this won't be a "look what my kid can do" blog. I hope some of you will continue to read, but regardless, I will continue to write =)

My next blog entry topic will be on our cloth diapering adventure. Stay tuned to find out whether it has turned out to be a great success or epic failure...

Meow,
the Advo.cat

Oh no you di'int: Annoying things people say/do regarding my child

I have occasionally come across articles on "what not to say" to someone who has had a miscarriage. I think such articles are helpful because miscarriage is hard to understand from an outside perspective. It's an unfortunate, unfair thing that we all wish didn't happen.

In the course of the last 3 months, I have determined that similar articles should be written and widely publicized to inform people of "what not to say" to someone with a newborn. It is strange that people need to be told things which, to me, seem so obvious and rational even if you have never had kids, but perhaps my faith in humanity is unfounded?

Here are some gems I've collected in the last few months that seriously drive me up. the. wall.

1. "Let her cry, it's good for her lungs". Really? You don't think she's using her only mode of communication to indicate a need? You believe it's her daily lung exercises? Well, that makes a lot of sense. When I get up in the morning, I like to do a bit of screaming to get the old lungs going. It was recommended to me by my cardio-pulmonary specialist. Apparently Michael Phelps credits his epic lung capacity to his parents letting him cry bloody murder instead of changing his diaper.

2. "You're letting her control you". Yezzzz, my newborn is a diabolical schemer! She's plotting to take over the world, and step one is to control mommy. I generally have a serious problem with people who think that the baby needs to learn to do as she's told. She doesn't have that capacity yet, and if you try to force your will upon her, NOBODY ends up happy.

3. And last but certainly not least - people who make animal noises/calls at my baby... oh my god, if I ever get violent with someone it will likely be because they barked, meowed, chirped or whistled at my baby. Ok, I get that you don't know how to do baby talk - I don't either - but that's no reason to resort to communication from the animal kingdom. Just talk to her like a normal person. Say "hello". And I'm not talking about when you're showing her a picture of a cow or a dog in the park. It's totally acceptable to make an animal noise in reference to the actual animal that makes such noise.

Kthxbai

I'm 13 again

Some say that pregnancy and childbirth are the final stage in female development. I have to say I disagree. In fact, I feel like I've regressed back to being a pre-teen. Here's why:

- I stuff my bra.
- I go to bed at 9pm.
- I eat all the time but don't gain weight.
- I don't have to work.
- I'm never home alone.
- I have play dates.
- I wonder what sex will be like.