Sunday, May 12, 2013

First Mom's Day, Nothing to Say

I've been trying to formulate my thoughts on this first mom's day with a real live child. I think I need to process it a bit longer. In the meantime, I found a poem that I had saved on my computer a few years ago that I reflected on today. I'm not sure I can say I'm a better mother than anyone else, but I do think that I appreciate the job maybe a bit more than someone who got it with little effort.

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother
There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss
and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. 

I will be better not because of genetics, or money, or that I have read more books
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. 

I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every
day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I
can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop
another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with
which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be
careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better
daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. 

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body.  I have been tried by fire
and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. 

I have prevailed. 

I have succeeded.

I have won. 

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself
discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.  And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the
immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they
learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion
that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

Author Unknown

1 comment:

  1. That's an amazing poem! I agree 100%. I strongly believe that struggling with infertility gives you a different appreciation of your child, and all things that other parents find a bother are not important at all.

    My son is almost 14 months and I still look at him with awe and fascination.

    Happy First Mother's Day to you!