That's more like it!

So THAT's what a positive OPK looks like with these stupid green sticks. This is looking very promising... nyezzz...

Clomid Cycle 1 Update

A brief summary of this first (and hopefully last??) Clomid cycle.

• Side effects: given the low dose (50mg), it is not surprising that I didn't feel much in the way of side effects. I was most concerned about the effect it might have on my CM, but at this moment it looks like quite the opposite is occuring. Throw these eggwhites into the frying pan! Gross? Maybe a little.
• Did it work? Complicated question. I did not ovulate on CD14 as hoped. However, I am now on CD24 with very promising CM and if I ovulate in the next week it will still be the earliest ever for me. This morning my temp took a huge dip and I hope that's a "pre-ovulation dip". Better get busy in the sack! 

I guess this all brings up the question of whether I should increase the dosage for next cycle if I don't get pregnant this time. Probably yes. Or perhaps I will inquire about a trigger shot to get that egg down sooner (thanks for that tip, Amy).

So that's the update so far. Hopefully I will ovulate soon and then we will go through a similar evaluation with the progesterone suppositories. Though I have a feeling those will be way more fun interesting.

Halp!

This is a super lame question, because at this point I should be able to answer it myself in 5 seconds, but I just switched to a new type of OPK strips and I don't know what a positive (for me) looks like with these. See how the test line is as dark as the control but only on the edge? All of my previous OPK's with the old brand were blank or hardly noticeable at all.

What do you think? Could it be? If I ovulate tomorrow (CD 23), it would be the earliest ever!

Kthnxbai.

Anxiety killed the Advo.cat

I am at the end of CD 12 now, and ovulation is nowhere in sight based on my CM and OPK's. I know it is still very early. I know that CM may not be the best indicator because it is inhibited by the Clomid. I know that it is just a question of WHEN, not IF I ovulate because I always do eventually. I know that chances are I will at the very least ovulate much sooner than I typically do. I know that when it happens, I will be armed with progesterone suppositories to deal with any luteal phase problems.

I know all of these things, and yet I am more anxious than I have ever been. I just want it to work already! [Stomps feet]

I wanted this to be the complete magical fix to all my problems. I had grand dreams of ovulating on CD 12 and getting a BFP on CD 22. A girl can dream, can't she?

But that is not going to happen and I have to accept it. I just wish there was some way of knowing that this will not be one of my usual 60-70 day cycles. SIGH.

I don't feel anything

Taking my last Clomid pill today and I am slightly disappointed to say that I have felt no side-effect.

I had a horrible headache on Wednesday night, but I'm pretty certain that was a caffeine withdrawal headache (I am very sesitive to caffeine so if I consume it, I get a headache the next day - happens all the time).

I don't know what hot flashes feel like, but I don't think I had any. Actually, the fact that I don't know what they are probably means that I haven't ever had one.

No cramps to report either. Lame.

How do I know the Clomid is working? Must I wait another whole week to see if I ovulate? I want to know NOW, dammit.

Shit Infertiles Say

Before you get all up in my face, let's be clear: I do not enjoy the never-ending stream of "Shit _____ say" memes flooding the interwebs. The first one was funny, and there may be some other good ones, but it's pretty annoying at this point.

Having said that... =)

Out of curiosity, I searched for "Shit Infertiles Say" and got zero hits*! Seriously? If I had the money, time, and directorial and filmmaking skills (Mo - maybe you could pitch in for those?), I would make a pretty great "Shit Infertiles Say" video!

So many ideas rushing through my head right now.

"I thought I was having early pregnancy cramps, but it was just that enchillada I had for lunch."

"Wow, they really do look like eggwhites!"

"I can't believe that crack whore is pushing a twin stroller. Not fair."

"I thought I was ovulating, but it was just that enchillada I had for lunch."

"Must. Stop. Eating. To Fill. Emotional. Void."

"I can't go to the party tonight, my ovaries are hyper-stimulated."

"I thought I was finally getting my period, but it was just that enchillada I had for lunch."

and the most comical/enraging of all...

"Babydust!!!!!"

*if someone already did make this meme and I was too dumb to find it, please correct me.

P.S. I would love to hear more ideas for this video. I think there's great potential here.

Is that a UFO?

No, that is not a picture of a UFO spotted in the sky. Rather, it is a tiny little clomid pill on my table. It is so incredibly tiny, I almost can't believe it has the power to do anything. And yet, all of my hopes and dreams rest on this little disc of pharmaceutical magic.

Into my mouth it goes. Gulp.

It Begins

Here we go! After impatiently waiting for the crimson tide to arrive, we are finally on CD1 and ready to commence the first cycle on Clomid.

I was instructed to take it on days 3-7. I still can't figure out whether that is going to produce more eggs, or better quality eggs, but it probably doesn't make a huge difference. First pill will be on Tuesday and if I have side effects then I will have to bear with them during the work week. Blargh.

On that note, I am actually starting to get concerned about the effect that work is having on my health and fertility. I work long hours and have had no time for exercise or relaxation. On top of that, it is a high stress environment and I have had several days in the past few weeks where I border on panic attack/mental breakdown. This leads to insomnia which in turn makes me even more tired/stressed. It is probably not a good thing for TTC, but what freaks me out the most is the thought of being pregnant under these circumstances.

I think if end up getting knocked up for good this time I will have to be honest and clear with my employers about the fact that I will not be putting myself through any excessive stress. If they can't accept that, then we are going to have to part ways. At this point, that is a very easy decision for me to make because my priorities after 3 miscarriages are very clear.

Feelings at this moment: on the one hand - excitement and hope that this will make me function like a normal woman and I will ovulate in 2 weeks, produce a good quality fresh egg, get pregnant and carry to term. On the other hand - fear that either clomid will not work at all (ack!) or that it will make me ovulate but I will not get pregnant and we'll have to repeat the experiment.