Twelve/Thirteen

I didn't post last week because there was nothing major to report and I figured I would wait until the OB appointment this week since she would probably do a scan. It turns out there was nothing to wait for as the OB did not scan. Booooo urns

I must say I'm pretty disappointed I didn't get to see the burrito. I am not eligible for an NT scan, so the next time I get to see anything on screen is at 19 weeks. Apparently at this point they just stick with the doppler, but I already have that at home. I wanted some extra reassurance before I go spreading the news to people. I don't think it's unreasonably for someone with my history to be hesitant even at this point. Well I guess I will just have to take her word that everything is fine.

The next little while is going to be awkward. I have gotten quite accustomed to keeping pregnancy a secret, and I am not looking forward to telling people. Part of that dread is that every time I talk about it I think about all the shitty things that led up to this point and I fear that it will end badly again. The people I'm going to be telling, for the most part, will not be aware of any of that. I wish everyone could understand that it was not an easy road and that we are still not sure of anything, but instead most people will just think it's all 100% great. I have to sort this out this mess in my head before I start talking to people.

The worst part will be telling people at work. I am one female amongst 7 men, and things are tense as it is. I guess the upside is I will hopefully have a full year's break from it.