Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Think twice about removing preggo friends from your newsfeed

So this weird thing happened.

I have this Facebook "friend" who I went to elementary school with. I still keep in touch with some ladies from my class and she happens to be in that circle of friends, but we're not particularly close. Anyway, a few months ago she posted a pregnancy announcement. Soon enough, my newsfeed flooded with her annoying status updates and eventually the gender reveal - twins - boy and girl. FML. That was about a month ago, and I decided to remove her from my newsfeed then.

So last night we all went out for dinner for the first time since the pregnancy announcement. I was late to arrive and everyone was already sitting down so I couldn't really see her belly, but it definitely wasn't bulging out as far as I would expect at 22ish weeks with twins.

Then she orders a bellini. Ok... I guess one drink every now and then is not the end of the world.

We start talking about what we're all planning for 2012 and eventually it gets to her turn. She says, "yeah, I dropped out of school last year because it was all too much to handle when I was pregnant with twins. But now, I don't know, I guess I should go back or do something else, but what's the point if I just get pregnant again."

I am thoroughly confused. Did she already have the babies? Did she lose them? I didn't see anything on Facebook about it, but then again maybe she wouldn't post about something tragic like that. I feel awkward asking her directly or even whispering the question to someone else at the table.

I get home and immediately proceed to her Facebook profile. There it is - she lost the babies a few weeks ago. How did I miss that? OH. I KNOW. I removed her from my effing newsfeed is how!

Holy $h!t. The irony.

Now I'm wondering if I should reach out and say something to her. About how sorry I am and how I know how she must feel because I've been there. I haven't told anyone except my 3 closest friends, but that's because nobody else would really understand or care. She would, and I want her to know that I do, too. But I'm scared to put myself out there with someone who I see only a few times a year and don't really know very well. Would it help her, or would it just pick at the scab?


  1. Please please please reach out.

    I often feel like those of us with pregnancy loss are a sad lonely island. I've had a few people reach out to me and it's meant so much, if you want, explain why you unfriended. All of us remember the gleeful joy of our first prgnancy before we knew loss and what is our life now. I am so sorry it hurt, but as much as it did, it hurts more that she's one of 'us' now.

  2. I second what Amy says.
    You never know - you may be the only one reaching out. She may feel far less alone. Better to take that risk and put yourself out there. You may end up truly helping her.

  3. Agreed - it certainly can't hurt to reach out. You don't need to provide explicit detail....just let her know you've been there.

    And that is an interesting reality check about avoiding preggo newsfeeds....I do it all the time. I still don't know that I can stand to see all those updates though.