Tuesday, June 10, 2014

The saga continues

So I tested positive on the HPT at only 10 DPO, which was very promising. I had a whole stash of internet cheapies so I started using them each day hoping to see the line get progressively darker each time. It was getting somewhat darker, but not at the same rate that I remembered from the one successful pregnancy. I started to freak out so I went and spent more money on stupid pee sticks and got a 2-pack of the CB Digital with "weeks indicator". I got "1-2" weeks when I was expecting at least "2-3".

The internet cheapies were not getting much darker even at 23 DPO. Some people say that testing all the time is a waste of money, and that "a line is a line", and that I'm only stressing myself out. Well, that might be true for most people, but not for someone like me who has repeat losses. For me, seeing the lines not get much darker is actually a pretty good indicator that the pregnancy is not progressing. This information is useful because it tells me that I can stop taking my annoying progesterone suppositories, and cancel my ultrasound and midwife appointments. It saves me the shock and general awkwardness of being told by surprise that I'm miscarrying. I'd rather know as soon as possible so I can move on with my life. Also, the earlier I know, the fewer people I will accidentally spill the beans to, the fewer people I will then have to discuss the failed pregnancy with afterwards.

So that's why I'm grateful for the pee sticks, and I don't regret the $50 I spent on getting information early. Today I went and got a beta to confirm. HCG is 110 today. It should be in the thousands. I will get another one in two days to confirm, but the writing's on the wall. I have to say, this one is tough to swallow. I did everything exactly like the last time that it worked. I even had better iron levels and my stress levels were much lower. What the hell is going on? I have been trying to get into a fertility clinic for some specialist attention but there's nothing available until September. This is so frustrating.


  1. I am so sorry to hear. As a fellow rpler I understand wanting the additional information, either way.

  2. I bought the very expensive pee sticks that had progressive intervals. I understand the insanity. The two losses after E were awful in that I had secretly hoped I was cured/fixed, whatever. I wish very nmuch for an easy baby journey for you. The beta is worrisome. So sorry.