Since I started taking the provera pills on Wednesday to induce a period, things have been different. For the first time in 6 months my purpose was not to get/stay pregnant, but to just live. Baby making has been taken out of the equation, and I have to admit, I didn't realize how much I needed that "break" until I got it.
I have been reading a lot of infertility blogs where people have decided to take a break from TTC, and until now I didn't understand it at all. The thoughts that ran through my mind were "What do you mean you're taking a "break"? How is that going to get you closer to your goal? I don't believe you're actually enjoying not trying."
Well...I get it now. For the first time in a long time, I am thinking clearly about my career and hobbies. I'm exercising without worrying about messing up my hormones. I'm making vacation plans that don't begin with the caveat "Although I might be unable to travel at that point". There have also been moments of realizing just how crazy I've gotten recently. For example: I haven't re-started my laptop in months because I didn't want to close the FertilityFriend page in my browser. Not because I couldn't re-open it, obviously, but because I had some kind of addiction to it. That is pretty fucking nuts.
So the next couple of weeks are going to be TTC and insanity free. Coincidentally, the hubbs is away on a work trip for 2 weeks (something which would previously caused major upset due to loss of TTC time). But the timing couldn't be better. It'll just be me, myself, and I for 2 weeks of glorious rejuvenation. Ohhmmm... Namaste.